Trigger warning: Includes references to sexual abuse, self-harm and suicide

I am not afraid of sharing my story, as vulnerable as it makes me. Giving light to our experiences, as difficult as they may be is a way of helping others get through their own struggles. I have nothing to lose. So I have decided that I would no longer hide it; I can’t change what happened, but I can certainly change how it affects me now. It’s given me a huge sense of ownership: this ‘secret’ no longer owns me, it’s no longer something I’m going to try to hide away- now, I own it.

I thought stability meant playing it safe and commitment meant forever - and that was unacceptable. I committed to deviate from life-long safety and found stability in books and the idea of adventure. It was settled, in my childhood brain, I had projects (Novelist/ Performer/ Arctic explorer) to see through. 

As a rebel-from-birth/atheist/mild anarchist, my life has always had me walking in the opposite direction from most people. I was different from my friends at school, oddly so. I specifically shunned the mainstream popular culture and general hobbies and interests they followed together. In retrospect, I wonder why I was in that group at all. This led me to believe that I was weird and different, and my schoolmates didn't shy away from bullying me to remind me.