No longer ashamed to be full of myself |

No longer ashamed to be full of myself

No longer ashamed to be full of myself |

By Gözde

I always just stuck out somehow. I was the tallest girl in my class, probably the weirdest too. I'm an only child and I didn't have a normal family life either. My dad left when I was 4 and my mother's mental health problems inevitably meant I grew up in foster care, which was definitely soul-destroying.

When you're young you take your inability to fit in as a bad thing - that nobody could ever love you. It seemed like I was never good enough for these people in my life and I suffered major self-distortion because of it. I didn't know who I was, what I looked like or my worth. It was a disorientation I wouldn't wish onto my worst enemy.  I took great shame in thinking I could be better than others or certain situations but what it really was was that I was always better than being a something for somebody else.  I was never meant to be in a crowd as a 2 or a 3. I am a 1. And in embracing my uniqueness and who I am, for my flaws 'n' all, I have attracted the right people to me.

I'm no longer ashamed to be full of myself - that's the only way it's meant to be. If you're not full of yourself, you're empty, desperately trying to fill yourself through cigarettes, boys, clout, materialism and other addictions. Being selfish is to the most selfless thing you can do because when you're truly in alignment with yourself, everything you touch turns to gold.