I am Rosé Wells - theunderargument.com

___I am Rosé Wells

I am Rosé Wells - theunderargument.com
Who am I? Why am I? Where do I belong? Why can't I also do this? Why didn't they want me?

These were the questions I remember asking myself from the age of 5.

My whole life, I knew I wanted to either be in front of the cameras or help people as a civil servant. But, truth be told, after trying many things, I am still looking to find where I belong and where I will finally be fully accepted.

I am a dark skin woman born to a mixed-race mother who left me as a kid and had a family that never wanted me due to my complexion. My father also left but eventually came back for me at age seven. I can't blame him, it was a tough time in Sierra Leone, and I was born during the war in 1998.

My aunt, whom I thought was my mother, raised me with love, and for a long time, my identity was simply being her loving daughter. However, that all changed when I moved to the UK to live with my father. I grew up with a step-mother and step-sister who would tell me every day that I was "too dark", my nose was "too wide", that I was “too fat” and “ugly”.

On top of the extreme bullying at home, when I was in school, I'd be called a gorilla (thanks to my step-sister), and guys would tell me that I'd be prettier if I came out as light skin as my sister. They would proceed to ask why I was a "darkie" if both our mothers were mixed.

So when I first mentioned wanting to be a model to my stepmom, as my father was hardly ever around, she laughed in my face for five minutes straight and said 'they don't want dark skins with big noses." I cried myself to sleep three nights in a row, overwhelmed by the hatred.

Luckily, I got myself into the TV world as an extra at age 12 and was getting quite a lot of work which proved I could be wanted somewhere. But this made things worse for me at home. Struggling with the abuse and bullying, my mental health worsened to the point that I would self-harm and attempt to take my own life.

Another secret was eating me up and I finally opened up to my father about being sexually abused as a child, which he divulged to his wife. Her reaction was again to laugh in my face.

The situation at home became unbearable, and I ended up homeless at 15. I got through my GCSEs, even though I sometimes slept in a park or on a friend's sofa. I got into college but left for military training college where they would also make comments about my skin and nose. It was verbal abuse year after year everywhere I went, but by now, I had become immune.

By the time I was 19, my pre-baby body was trending as the ideal body type, and social media helped me gain some confidence. I got back into acting as I started to see some models I wished I had seen as a child.

My inner child always had a dream, and I want to live that dream. Because another dark skin little girl out there might need to know she's not alone. She needs to know she's beautiful and worthy of being treated with love and respect. I hope my story can touch anyone who has felt alienated because of their special abilities or differences.

I now know I am beautiful in my own right; I can be whomever I work hard to be, and I keep pushing even on days I don't feel like it. Life can throw anything at me, I know I can get back up. I am Rosé Wells; I aspire to be a model, I write poetry, I love loving people, and I want them to know we're all uniquely beautiful.