From food issues, depression and self-loathing in my twenties to healthy weight, sexual power and body love in my thirties. Today I feel blessed. My relationship with my body, sexuality, and self-confidence is the best it’s ever been. I’m so sexy, so beautiful, so healthy, and so not ashamed to acknowledge and believe this about myself. But I didn’t always feel this way.
In my teens and early twenties, I struggled with body image issues. I wasn’t confident with my body. I hated my arms, legs and healthy tummy. I stopped eating regular meals and pored over pictures of models and celebrities in magazines. I had no frame of reference at the time. I wondered why at 16, I didn’t look like a millionaire model in her twenties, who’d had surgery, been styled by a professional team and whose image had been photoshopped for an editorial.
I worried about my looks, weight, sexiness and how I came across to others. And I attempted to mould my sexuality around my anxieties. As a result, I found it hard to come out to my friends and family and stayed in the closet for years. I partied too hard and didn’t look after my health and well-being.
But things changed when I reached my mid-twenties. I got out of a coercive and codependent relationship, came out as bisexual and started dating who I wanted to. I cultivated a healthy relationship with food and exercise. I embraced self-development techniques, therapy, spirituality and wellness practices that helped me to see my worth as a powerful, sexual, capable woman.
I said no to experiences and relationships that didn’t make me feel good about myself and pursued joy instead. I unpacked and shook off all the shame and indoctrination I’d been carrying around and embraced sex positivity and living deliciously. I also set boundaries for myself and worked on coaching my mind and body into a state of optimal health and forming good habits.
Call it a recovery, an awakening, a transformation, a glow-up. I changed for the better when I stopped punishing my body and started showing it love, kindness, nourishment, pleasure and respect. I manifested a healthy and happy life, and I’m now living it to the full. I love that for myself.
Emilie x the anti-casting
All the womxn featured on the underargument have been selected based on the personal story they shared with us which was inspired by one of our collections' themes. We only receive stories, no photos and no measurements. This is what we call the anti-casting and it is our way of reclaiming the representation of women's diversity and utilising the power of storytelling to empower ourselves and others. Find out more and maybe submit your story too here.
Emilie is wearing collection no.15 For play // Against performances.