I have always found it hard fitting in, as in fitting into society in the way all other women have fitted in. I was always the clown, the out-spoken loud friend, the performer, the tomboy. I fleeted around and never felt settled. When I was younger, I was pulled out of school from South London to Surrey, and soon became adaptable and never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. Growing up in my 20s, I lost my way, I conformed to society, got married and changed who I was and what I stood for.
Marriage was difficult, and I felt the need to have children to succeed in it. But, after many years trying to conceive, I was made to feel like a failure as a woman. I up and left my husband. I'm now 37, and after another failed relationship, the pressure of not being able to have children and 3 failed IVFs, I have been through 8 painful years of trying to conceive. Only now do I realise, maybe it wasn't me failing, maybe this was all meant to happen. Maybe just maybe there is more out there for women other than becoming a mother?
Seven months from initially writing my story, a friend asked me 'who do I want to meet?' and I said to the universe 'an older man with children' and the very next day I met him, and haven't looked back. I am now a step-mum to 3 amazing kids whom I adore. So maybe being a mum was always in my story?